Ok, so I have been away for a while, been little inconsistent but I'm here now.
I decided to just get on the computer and see where my mind takes me and I'm here. This is a message from me to you. The girl who doesn't have it all figured out but I'm figuring things out.
So as cuffing season is approaching what I want to share with you all is that standards are cool and everyone should get some. Now, what I mean by that is that settling ain't in season, stop putting yourself on the back burner and make yourself a priority. Now, of course this is a long over due self-care session but let's get into it. (SN, this may be touchy, this may be long, but you also may need it *shrugs*)
How many times have you been in a situationship/relationship that should have been long gone but you couldn't just go. You don't have to speak out loud however I do want you to keep it real with yourself. Answer this: 1) Why did you stay? 2) What did you benefit from the situation? 3) what are you going to change so that it doesn't happen again?
Now, if you are in a situation and you have a cloudy mind and a warm heart, that ain't right. You need to have a warm heart and clear mind and if this is you, ask yourself these things: 1) What am I unsure of? 2) Am I happy or do they just make me happy? How do I feel when I'm alone? 3) What am I honestly getting out of this? What am I giving? and lastly, does it balance out..
It is safe to say we literally have all been there, and have returned because what happens is you get put in the same situation until you learn from it and grow past it. So, until you've learned from it and grew past it you will never see past it. Any who, Ive been here before honestly not even that long ago. I was in a situation where I knew the guy was taking and I was giving however, it just didn't feel right to just let go at the time, I knew he needed me more, I made up excuses (per usual) and I made myself believe I was cool for the moment. Then I reached my breaking point. Everyone has a breaking point, and if you feel you don't have one...reevaluate...moving forward.
Once my breaking point was reached there was no turning back, I got my inspiration that I needed to write and I figured out why I had to stay and figured out what I needed. I had to stay because I had to learn what my breaking point was again, I had to learn how to listen to my heart and mind. That chapter in my life was about listening, and being aware. I peeped a lot but never said anything because I honestly felt like I wasn't supposed to. That season was specifically for observing.
I observed and moved forward. I also claimed a new mindset and a bunch of awesome things and literally got everything I asked for. God was like, "Aye Universe she get it now, she done mastered it" and the Universe was like “so I can give her that shih" God said yes and the Universe granted all my wishes like a damn genie.
Anywho, I figured it out, it goes a little beyond self-love. That's of course key, but it also has to deal with self awareness, knowing who you are so you can be true to you. If you're not being true to yourself you're allowing whoever to take advantage or mold the "you" that person wants you to be. On top of that, it's like you're allowing self destruction, every time they mess up and you go back psychologically you are telling that person "Hey, walk all over me, I like the attention." And just because you are getting attention doesn't mean it's genuine nor good attention.
What you say you want isn't necessarily what you need and once you start figuring out what you need things will begin to fall in line. You need a partner who will do everything and be everything that doesn't remind you of xyz. Not someone who temporarily eases long term pains or makes you smile when you're with them and then worry when you're not.
Someone who will forget about cuffing season and remember you.
Someone who values you as a person, a female/male, then they're partner. It's levels to it, it's not meant to be easy but if they value you as a person then by male/female you have reached two levels of respect that are key in building lasting relationships. Think of it this way you are not going to use certain words or tones of voice to your man and vice versa. You wouldn't want your man or woman feel like you don't value them and certain words and tones of voice can reflect those negative feelings. You deserve someone who uses words that reflect your soul. After all, Love is patient and love is kind. Love is not easy, and love should not make you cry tears of confusion nor pain. You shouldn't get disappointed by the decisions your partner makes, your partner should never be allowed to embarrass you time and time again.
I'll stop there I can go on but just remember this, Cuffing Season is NOT real. If someone only wants to be with you because it's getting cold outside, that person has a lot of growing to do and if you have the same mindset you do as well. Relationships are supposed to help you grow, remember that.