happy monday: meditation + self-reflections

 
 art journal - poetry

art journal - poetry

today, this morning, i woke up with every intention to be productive. i turned on my LoFi beats, got on the floor and started my yoga. i got distracted because I noticed mites on my baby eva and decided that self-care is also making sure things and people you care for are taken care of and today i was going to really get to the bottom of it. 

as i meditated i let my mind wander where i wanted it to go, as always but in my time alone i reflected on an old journal i found yesterday cleaning up. although there were only 3 journal entries they were emotion packed and i was so empty and funny things i remember those feelings exactly. i remembered feeling alone, empty unloved and in 2013 is really when my self-care practice started. that's when i was making more connections. and i've been evolving ever since, and really living this life experience. i found another journal with bible reflections in it and that's when things began to turn around. of course, this journey went on had its ups and downs and was nowhere near perfect but what i accomplished was separating my emotions from people and things that no longer served me. made a conscious decision that i was going to work on me, i had a good sense of self and i still do because my self-care game is low-key lit. 

but moral of the story self-care is definitely not just peaches and cream. it's a lot of alone time to think, it's feeling lonely to only realize that if you don't have a friend in yourself you legit have nothing. It's taking the silence and becoming one with it. It's turning off the TV and working your mind, feeding it with something of value. It's eating the right things because your body is talking to it about what it likes, dislikes and needs. 

it's literally becoming 1 with mind, body, and soul. 

so reflect on something this week that you are lacking and find a way to put it into your routine.

 

journal entry: Protecting your Sexual Energy

 
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Protecting your energy goes beyond watch who's in your circle. It goes as deep as who are you sharing a bed with, who are you having sex with? 

Last night after reading the Wisdom of Sundays by Oprah I came across an interview that talked about intimacy and vulnerability. If you are not vulnerable how can you really be intimate? 

And in Oprah’s words, you basically can't. When you're not vulnerable you technically have on an armor, and when 2 people have on armor or even one there's a blockage. If 2 people have on armor them neither being is present there just 2 bodies having sex, more than likely because it feels good and it's lust or a void filler more than anything. If one person has on armor then only one person is present and the other is just providing a body. Either way, someone loses. 

So understanding that I realized how true it was for myself, I'm a very vulnerable person. I'm very transparent and I told myself I would never stop being the way I am because I am a completely open vessel. I knew eventually I would find the one who loves my love. I got heartbroken along the way but I had to learn that sex wasn't to be given to just anyone, inconsistent men didn't deserve me. If I was emotionally present he had to be too. It was a lot of soul-searching and bad relationships in between. 

But what I took from the interview and the following pages were: to be in an intimate relationship we must know how these things work hand in hand. We have to make the CONSCIOUS adult decision to protect our sexual energy just like how we cut off friends who are no longer deserving of our love or presence.

Ask yourself these questions? 

Is my partner deserving of my sexual energy?

Are they emotionally present for me or themselves?

Do they show up mentally and emotionally when I need them?

Do I show up for myself when I need it? 

If you ask these questions and they're a no on both ends work on yourself, work on the relationship without sex. It is okay to say I need some TLC. You should openly have these kinds of conversations with your lover and if they're not okay with it shit that ain't ya lover. 

We are at the age where we need to be taking care of ourselves fully not just in certain places. Don't be afraid to face the truth especially if you are the one you have to face. 

Just because sex feels good doesn't mean it's good sex,

 

Think about it and protect your energy.

xoxo, kody 

 

 

The importance of self-reflection & authenticity

 
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so I recently started writing my second book: a full poetry & prose book. I thought of naming it poetry & prose but it's not that simple and I don't love the name I like it. so anyways last night I had this reflection. 

I realized that it is important as a writer to not only find your voice but to make sure it's authentic. It is important as a writer to produce daily, practice daily -- or create daily.

practice makes perfect.

I know that I write beautiful poetry because it comes from my heart and I know that it's touching because I've been told by other people...but what good does that do if I don't believe it myself? and I would doubt myself if I didn't practice every day. 

it is important to find YOUR authentic voice through self-reflection and practice. I have been challenging my self as a writer and I am in competition with no one other than myself. I challenged myself to write 100 new poems for the book and I challenged to practice little things like repetition, then inspirational writing meaning, I look at something and I write as if I'm there or if that "something" could talk. I can honestly say I'm getting back to my old writing habits and ways and I love it. 

What happens when I reach the 100 poems? the challenge was too easy and I'll write 100 more, or i'll write strictly prose but I have 80 poems to go. 

with every challenge I take on from myself I become more and more vulnerable. writing from the random inspiration I find on my own helps me remain true to me, and my words. it helps me write like me.

so all this to say there's healing in this journey for me. I am experiencing love on a different level for myself as a writer, I am facing my own fears of sharing my work and people critiquing me. I am reflecting and thinking deeply about things as a writer and putting myself in that object. I used to do that when I was younger, I wrote from other people feelings, I put myself in their shoes and that took a helluva toll on me. so I stopped...now, I am seeing that I am not emotionally attached to certain feelings anymore which means I have learned how to control my emotions and separate the emotions that don't belong to me.

so i challenge you to do the same. 

self-reflect and separate any feelings or emotions what doesn't belong to you.

 

 xoxo, kody